I turned 32 this year. Yep, gross right? My vision of my 30s is one that I am mad successful, with my own family and have a huge-ass group of friends that I’ll have a hard time choosing which group I’ll have brunch with. But you know what, that wasn’t the case at all. So I’ve been separated with my husband more than 2 years ago now. I actually think this is the first time I’ve ever formally talk about it. If this thing is even formal at all. Not everybody liked my actions. I didn’t like where my head was, nor my actions. But one thing is for sure – was that I wasn’t happy . And to me, selfish or not, 50% of the marriage life is mine and I want to be whole again.

I lost a lot of people because I’ve hurt a lot of people in the process. I don’t open up very easily, or at all because I always thought that I need to hold on to everything perfectly or else I failed. I failed once in my life, and I thought that was enough in a short lifetime.  Having said that, I tried to move on, or rather I tried to escape from the responsibility and pain. But on certain Sundays, it will hit you (Author’s note: Look up Sunday neurosis). When 2017 began, I started reaching out to people. Some people reciprocated, others’ responses were as dead as air if air had life. At some point I fell abandoned, almost depressed. But I pick up still because the other facets of my life were still glowing. I had a good career, understanding colleagues, I’m an “influencer” and I was practicing yoga.

What changed this year was I stopped reaching out and start letting go. At the end of the day, friendships are a two-traffic. It’s a hard responsibility and yet it is still a choice. Slowly, I’m regaining my confidence and I’m more content and in control of my life. Sometimes, Sunday is still a drag but on most days it’s awesome.

Edited to add some favourite raw photos from Bali :)

Hanna